I was looking through my pics folder, looking for samples to send to client, and I found this.

This picture was taken on December 5th, 2010. I decided then to send my children to stay with my parents for I couldn't care for them at that time. I couldn't have them around me and see me going down with depression.

I found other pics too, which made me cry, remembering the pain I felt then. After almost 3 years, I thought it would hurt less, but I was wrong. I knew the hurt would go away in time, but right now, at the moment, the hurt feels so great like it just happened.

There are times when I start to think about it, I would push the memories to the back of my mind. I don't want what happened to spoil what I have now. My life is going great. I'm happy. My kids are happy.

Only people who have been through the same shit as me or worse will know how it feels to sometimes cry for no reason other than the memories come for a visit and the hurt and pain a reminder to never again take things for granted.

I really do wish the person who caused me to cry looking at this picture will someday have the same thing, or worse, happened to them.

I know the hurt won't go away, I just hope it will hurt less than it does now.

Trust & Revenge

Read some interesting articles lately. Most of them from business articles sent by my associate. The articles are mostly about the kind of attitudes human are born with that subconsciously will effect our judgement in day to day life. The stories written are what we commonly associate it with our daily life, be it in studies, work, business and yes, marriage.

We as human are born with natural tendency to trust people. Not just towards people we are familiar with, strangers as well. When the trust is violated, wether in small or big ways, we tend to take revenge in any way we can possibly think of. Just to get even.

In business, revenge is necessary. It's a mean to survive. In daily life, revenge is for our own satisfaction.

Revenge doesn't necessarily mean being done in the nasty ways. Sometimes revenge can be done in the sweetest way that caught the other party by surprise and they don't realize it until it's too late that they'd been had. That kind of revenge would leave a lasting lesson that they would remember forever.

Let's say your chicken is being stolen. You spent a month to nurture it until it is ready to give you eggs. Seldom a person would just chalk it up to loss, get another chicken or two, put on better security and nurture the chickens back to the producing state and collect the outcome. Normal human being would hunt down the thief, take back the chicken plus with goat, cow and even the thief's cat to get even. It's called human nature, to get even and more, just for own satisfaction and teach the thief a lesson of what their action would bring them - more loss.

We as human trust easily, until our trust is violated, then we take revenge.

For example, we eat in a restaurant. We automatically put our trust to the cook to give us a good meal. We trust them not to spit or put poison in our food. When something bad happen, say, the egg is rotten, and we complain to the manager. The manager has 2 choices on how to handle this :

1) Remove the rotten egg, not saying sorry and still charge for the egg.

2) Say sorry, replace the meal and not charge for the rotten egg.

For action 1, we as customer will not be satisfied by this action. It would bring to anger. It's not about the money but about the attitude. We automatically will ban the restaurant and write it in our blogs and tell everybody we know about our experience. The news will spread and ultimately the restaurant will lose it's clientele due to the manager's attitude on that one simple incident. The cost for the egg is only 50cents but the loss because of that action cost them more.

For action 2, saying sorry and admitting to mistake does not make a person weak. If the manager say sorry to the customer, the anger would be cut short. And when we pay and see the charges for the egg is removed from the bill, we would feel satisfied and justified. We would leave the restaurant happy. Again, it's not about money, it's about attitude. For the restaurant, they might lose some today, but imagine how much they can make from their reputation.


Reputation is the make and break of an organization.

In our daily life, we meet people everyday, some strangers we pass by or happen to be standing next to in concession line. Some acquaintance we hardly know, friends, relatives. We trust them not to hurt us. It's in our nature. The level of trust is depending on the level of how well we know the person.

We have 2 choices in everything we do and consequences from any actions taken. Subconsciously we take revenge whenever we feel our trust is being violated.

For someone to gain a person's trust would take years. Trust is to be earned and it's not easy for someone to trust us completely. Years and a lot of hard work. But it only takes one mistake to lose that trust and to get the trust back would take a very long time and a lot more hard work. It's not easy to earn that trust and it's not easy to trust again once that trust is violated.

When we know we're in the wrong, just put aside our ego and admit to the mistake and make amends to sincerely apologize. It's not necessarily means that we have to say sorry a thousand times. No point in saying sorry if we don't mean it and still no change in our attitude and not showing how guilty we feel for violating that trust. We can forgive for the first mistake if the person say sorry and showing remorse and guilt and take actions to rectify the matter and making things much better and not repeating it again. 

But, repeated violation of trust will simply lead to the other party to take revenge. We can't complain of another person's actions because it reflected on our behavior towards that person. Every choices and actions we make will reflect on what happens to us. We can see the outcome of our attitudes towards people or decisions we make in our daily life. 

Bad things attract bad result and good thing gets good result. It's simply the matter of mind and attitude. It's really easy to be the bad guy but bad guys usually don't end up well now don't they.

It's up to us to make the choices.

-Sal's Out-

The Smell Sense

Ever had the sudden dejavu feelings when you encounter a certain smell? Have you ever noticed how a certain smell triggers all kind of memories that you thought you forgotten.

Yes. The sense of smell is a powerful thing. That's why when somebody fainted we let them smell the smelling salt to wake them up. When people with amnesia, sometimes when they smell a certain smell, it can bring their memories back.

I have certain smells that will bring me right back to certain parts of my life. Some long forgotten. Some that I chose not to remember.

The smell of Follow Me shampoo, Lux soap, would bring me back to my school years. 

Mark & Spencer's Peach products would take me back to my college years.

Olay moisteriser takes me to the gym. I still have it. It brings good memories.


Freshly mowed lawn would take me to a place where only my subconscious knows.

The smell of Body Shop's Raspberry and Dewberry shower gel would definitely take me back to December of 2010.

I've changed all the products from December. I don't buy them anymore. I replaced them with different ones. But sometimes I still smell them.

Today, it rains. After so long. I normally loved the smell of rain. It's refreshing. But not today.

The smell takes me back to the not so long ago December. A place I don't want to be. It triggers all kind of memories that I've been trying to erase. It sucks. Especially when the reasons for it to suck are not effected by it.

When you're cut this deep emotionally, you'll wonder if you ever going to recover. I wish with all my heart and soul to give what I feel and faced to the person who caused it all. Let them feel it someday. Then they'll think of what they did before. Let them smell something and feel how their heart being ripped away everytime. Let them feel the numbness. Let them have the pain. Let them have a taste of what their actions can taste like.

Then they'll know. How it feels every time they take a shower. How the heart beats faster until it hurts when they wash their face. How their head spin when they brush their teeth. They might change the products but they'll have to smell them again when they least expect it.

Some people might say I am over sensitive, but being over sensitive saves me alot of times. It keeps me sane. Maybe I am over analyzing things but it beats being ignorance and having smacked in the face all the time. Precautions are better than cure, that's what I hold on to.


Not all smell put frowns on my face. Some do make me smile. It's just that lately my mind been playing with my emotions. And the fact that I miss the salty sea smell. It's been awhile.

Raven's Bracelets Collections

These bracelets trimmed with silver. Suitable for all occasions.


Price : RM45.00 each.
Contact : +60178850058 or
Email : sally_kamal910@yahoo.com 

The One That Got Away

Have you ever had someone in your life, that special someone that makes you wonder "what if"? The one the text book sayings called "the one that got away"?


Well, I had. For a brief moment, I had that special someone. The one that makes me wonder to no end. Especially now, when I'm feeling melancholic and a tiny bit melodramatic.


Whenever I'm feeling down and unhappy, I went back to the times when everything was simple. And wonder.


What if things didn't go as it did? What if everything was not as it was? What if things were not happened the way it did? What if... what if... the questions go on and on but it didn't change the fact that : it did happen that way. Sometimes it's better not to dwell too much. It can make you go crazy thinking and asking what-ifs.


But I couldn't help myself. At times I did wonder. I did ask why. I did ask what-ifs.


If things were not as they are now, what would happen? Would we be together? Would we be happy? It might or it might not. There's no way to find out. It's impossible to find out even if I want to. For my one that got away is in a better place. The what ifs only happen in my dreams. I've accepted that. 


But still....

Face-Off

Someone asked me an interesting question not so long ago. How could I go to the place where I know would bring me nothing but heartache.

My answer is simple : If I were to think about the bad things then I wouldn't go out anywhere.

There are places I know for a fact that if I entertain the negative thoughts, I'd be lost with rage. Now that I already faced a lot of things head-on, nothing can hurt me. Nothing like facing fear right smack in the face to conquer the feelings.

I always had nightmares of me drowning. To conquer the fear, I took swimming class.

I have stage-fright. Whenever I have to stand and speak in front of a roomful of people, I froze. To conquer the fear, I signed up for karaoke contest and end up won the 3rd prize.

I was terribly shy. Ever since I was young, asking directions or even placing an order at a restaurant was an ordeal. I was afraid people would laugh at me. What line of job I ended up working as : customer service.

I'm always self-conscious about my writings. I end up writing this blog.

After considering the "achievements" I'd had throughout my life, what's a few places with bad memories? I went to the biggest taboo of all the places. I didn't die from the experience. In fact, I had a great time. So "boo-hoo" the joke is on you.

I believe if you set up your mind to do something about facing your fear, nothing is impossible. All you have to do is getting at it heads-on. There might be some bumps and bruises, but you won't die from it. 

The biggest enemy one might have is oneself. The biggest demon to fight is within oneself. The hardest enemies to fight are always the ones we keep inside.

RAVEN

I've always have a thing for raven. It's not a beautiful bird, but its natures were what fascinated me the most.

In books I read, there were some with ravens in them. When the author wanted to describe a girl's hair, he or she would say "raven black". When it's a thriller and the plots thickened, the author would insert raven in some of them. What stuck in my head was this book I read by Christopher Pike. It's about a dead girl finding out how she died and it turned out the killer was actually the girl that was switched at birth with the dead girl and guess what's the killer's name? Yes, it's Raven.

Raven, or in Latin it's called Corvus, is often associated with bad omens. In different mythology, ravens played different roles. Some good, some bad.

What I want to talk about is the Common Raven or Corvus Corax. It's the biggest of its species and the most intelligent. I won't bore you with all the scientific details but here's what I found interesting about this particular bird.

The Common Raven (Corvus corax), also known as the Northern Raven, is a large, all-black passerine bird. Some remarkable feats of problem-solving have been observed in the species, leading to the belief that it is highly intelligent. Over the centuries, it has been the subject of mythology, folklore, art, and literature. In many indigenous cultures, including those of Scandinavia, ancient Ireland and Wales, Bhutan, the northwest coast of North America, and Siberia and northeast Asia, the Common Raven has been revered as a spiritual figure or god.

Common Ravens usually travel in mated pairs, although young birds may form flocks. Relationships between Common Ravens are often quarrelsome, yet they demonstrate considerable devotion to their families.

The brains of Common Ravens count among the largest of any bird species. For a bird, they display ability in problem solving, as well as other cognitive processes such as imitation and insight.

One experiment designed to evaluate insight and problem-solving ability involved a piece of meat attached to a string hanging from a perch. To reach the food, the bird needed to stand on the perch, pull the string up a little at a time, and step on the loops to gradually shorten the string. Four of five Common Ravens eventually succeeded, and "the transition from no success (ignoring the food or merely yanking at the string) to constant reliable access (pulling up the meat) occurred with no demonstrable trial-and-error learning" This supports the hypothesis that Common Ravens are 'inventors'; that is, they have the ability to solve problems presented to them. Many of the Common Raven's problem-solving skills were formerly thought to be instinctive, but it is becoming clear that Common Ravens are actually quite intelligent.

Common Ravens have been observed to manipulate others into doing work for them, such as by calling wolves and coyotes to the site of dead animals. The canines open the carcass, making it more accessible to the birds. 

Across its range in the northern hemisphere, and throughout human history, the Common Raven has been a powerful symbol and a popular subject of mythology and folklore.

In many post-conversion Western traditions, ravens have long been considered to be birds of ill omen, in part because of the negative symbolism of their all-black plumage and eating of carrion. n Sweden, ravens are known as the ghosts of murdered people, and in Germany as the souls of the damned. In Danish folklore, valravne that ate a king's heart gained human knowledge, could perform great malicious acts, could lead people astray, had superhuman powers, and were "terrible animals".

As in traditional mythology and folklore, the Common Raven features frequently in more modern writings such as the works of William Shakespeare, and, perhaps most famously, in the poem "The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe. Ravens have appeared in the works of Charles Dickens, J. R. R. Tolkien, Stephen King, and Joan Aiken among others.

It continues to be used as a symbol in areas where it once had mythological status: as the National Bird of Bhutan, Official Bird of the Yukon territory, and on the Coat of Arms of the Isle of Man (once a Viking colony).

Many indigenous peoples of the Pacific Northwest Coast of North America and northeast Asia revered it as a god. In Tlingit and Haida cultures, Raven was both a Trickster and Creator god. Related beliefs are widespread among the peoples of Siberia and northeast Asia. The Kamchatka peninsula, for example, was supposed to have been created by the raven god Kutkh.  There are several references to Common Ravens in the Old Testament of the Bible and it is an aspect of Mahakala in Bhutanese mythology.

The Norsemen believed that ravens Hugin and Munin sat on the god Odin's shoulders and saw and heard all, and a Raven banner standard was carried by such Viking figures as the Norse Jarls of Orkney, King Canute the Great of England, Norway and Denmark, and Harald Hardrada. In the British Isles, ravens also were symbolic to the Celts. In Irish mythology, the goddess Morrígan alighted on the hero Cú Chulainn's shoulder in the form of a raven after his death. In Welsh mythology they were associated with the Welsh god Bran the Blessed, whose name translates to "raven." According to the Mabinogion, Bran's head was buried in the White Hill of London as a talisman against invasion.

There are many stories written about raven from long ago and from different mythology, backgrounds and religious point of views. 

Norse mythology

To the Germanic peoples, Odin was often associated with ravens. Examples include depictions of figures often identified as Odin appear flanked with two birds on a 6th century bracteate and on a 7th century helmet plate from Vendel, Sweden. In later Norse mythology, Odin is described as having two ravens Huginn and Muninn serving as his eyes and ears - Huginn being referred to as thought and Muninn as memory. Every day the ravens fly out from Hliðskjálf and bring Odin news from Midgard.

Celtic mythology

In Irish mythology ravens are associated with warfare and the battleground in the figures of Badb and Morrígan. Welsh mythology features Bran the Blessed, whose name means "raven" or "crow". He is depicted as giant and the King of the Britons in tale known as the Second Branch of the Mabinogi. Several other characters in Welsh mythology share his name, and ravens figure prominently in the 12th or 13th century text The Dream of Rhonabwy, as the army of King Arthur's knight Owain.

There is a story that England will fall if ever the ravens abandon the Tower of London. Bran the Blessed is associated with the Tower of London in the Welsh Triads, which might be the origin of the story.

Islam, Christianity and Judaism

In the Talmud, the raven is described as having been only one of three beings on Noah's Ark that copulated during the flood and so was punished. The Rabbis believed that the Raven was forced to ejaculate its seed into the female raven's mouth as a means of reproduction. In I Kings 17:4-6, the prophet Elijah hides in the wilderness, where he is fed by ravens.

The Raven is also mentioned in The Quran but only once, describing the story of Cain and Abel, the sons of Adam. The Raven here teaches men how to bury dead bodies. 

And yes, I got all these from Wikipedia :)

In conclusion, raven is depicted as intelligent, manipulative, skillful at problem solving and confusing as hell to different people. It depends on how you look at it : the good or the bad, for it represents both.

And now I hope this info answered those who ask why I'm so obsessed with this corvus corax and named my collections RAVEN.