Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Trips and their meanings

Just came back from my trip... or trips as it turned out.

Going to China was the best decision I ever made. Seeing the people there made me realize how fortunate I am living the way I'm living. The best part was that I got undivided attention from my husband the whole time we were there. Call me selfish but I thrive on attention. I got back the feeling I lost not so long ago. We both were happy.

Coming back from this trip, I feel a little different. I'm feeling like when I was young, afraid to be too happy for fear of being disappointed. Afraid to love fully. Scared of being in love. Someone used to say that my heart is made of stone and I believe they're right.

Someone else asked me some good questions the other day. Am I really happy with what I have now. Am I staying because of love or just comfort? I can't answer. I can't even think about it.

Yesterday I opened up to a friend. We both cried ourselves silly thinking about the tests God throws at us. I'm at a crossroad again. Confused which path to take. The options are clear. Left, right and straight. There's no turning back. Am I strong enough to go straight?

Anyways, what's done is done. The past will remain in the past. The thing left to do right now is to go on. I will try my best not to reflect too much. Learn from mistakes and change for the better. The only question left for me to answer : how much am I willing to let go?