The Ugly Truth

Last night I found the brutal truth. I thought my heart can't break anymore than it has already broken, well, obviously there are still some small pieces that can be shattered.

I never asked much in this life as ever since I was small I already told myself not to hope too much and I wouldn't be disappointed. Then I met this wonderful guy who brought me so much hope that I thought it's ok to hope after all. For years I live in that hope he brought and delivered, accepted me as who I was when I met him. With him, I don't have to pretend to be someone else. I can totally be myself with him, share my dreams, hope. For a while, I was blessed with that total awesomeness of being loved and accepted as I yearned all my adult life.

But today, he gave me the biggest present of all : the ugly truth. Ho boy, that sucks, and really hurt. I can handle the truth, or so I thought. It was like a big slap to my face and I'd rather have the actual slapping than those words.

I am not without faults, hey, I'm the first person to admit that to myself. But so does everyone. I tried to correct some if not all the mistakes I'd done and to change to be a better person for him. Now I found out it's been unworthy of being acknowledged at all. Years of shared moments : lost. Years of hopes and dreams : lost. The fate of my future : uncertain. All those promises : forgotten.

I will fight to the end, I don't want, won't, can't give up this battle so easily. Not after spending almost half my life having it and to be taken away just like that.

But remember this my love. You are my one and only love. It has been only you from the start. The one person that has taken my heart fully so it's natural that only you can break it like now.

I don't want to fight with you anymore. I don't want to feel this way anymore. So lost and alone. I don't if I'm strong enough. I am so, so tired. But if say I lost this battle, at least I know I'd tried, I'd fought.

I love you, my darling, my baby, with all my heart and soul. I am hurt, shattered, broken but I believe with all my heart that it can be fixed. You, baby love, can fix it and make it right. I just hope you have it in your heart, even teeny little spark in your heart, to fix this with me.

I love you, I need you. We love you and need you, baby. Please come back to us.