Trust & Revenge

Read some interesting articles lately. Most of them from business articles sent by my associate. The articles are mostly about the kind of attitudes human are born with that subconsciously will effect our judgement in day to day life. The stories written are what we commonly associate it with our daily life, be it in studies, work, business and yes, marriage.

We as human are born with natural tendency to trust people. Not just towards people we are familiar with, strangers as well. When the trust is violated, wether in small or big ways, we tend to take revenge in any way we can possibly think of. Just to get even.

In business, revenge is necessary. It's a mean to survive. In daily life, revenge is for our own satisfaction.

Revenge doesn't necessarily mean being done in the nasty ways. Sometimes revenge can be done in the sweetest way that caught the other party by surprise and they don't realize it until it's too late that they'd been had. That kind of revenge would leave a lasting lesson that they would remember forever.

Let's say your chicken is being stolen. You spent a month to nurture it until it is ready to give you eggs. Seldom a person would just chalk it up to loss, get another chicken or two, put on better security and nurture the chickens back to the producing state and collect the outcome. Normal human being would hunt down the thief, take back the chicken plus with goat, cow and even the thief's cat to get even. It's called human nature, to get even and more, just for own satisfaction and teach the thief a lesson of what their action would bring them - more loss.

We as human trust easily, until our trust is violated, then we take revenge.

For example, we eat in a restaurant. We automatically put our trust to the cook to give us a good meal. We trust them not to spit or put poison in our food. When something bad happen, say, the egg is rotten, and we complain to the manager. The manager has 2 choices on how to handle this :

1) Remove the rotten egg, not saying sorry and still charge for the egg.

2) Say sorry, replace the meal and not charge for the rotten egg.

For action 1, we as customer will not be satisfied by this action. It would bring to anger. It's not about the money but about the attitude. We automatically will ban the restaurant and write it in our blogs and tell everybody we know about our experience. The news will spread and ultimately the restaurant will lose it's clientele due to the manager's attitude on that one simple incident. The cost for the egg is only 50cents but the loss because of that action cost them more.

For action 2, saying sorry and admitting to mistake does not make a person weak. If the manager say sorry to the customer, the anger would be cut short. And when we pay and see the charges for the egg is removed from the bill, we would feel satisfied and justified. We would leave the restaurant happy. Again, it's not about money, it's about attitude. For the restaurant, they might lose some today, but imagine how much they can make from their reputation.


Reputation is the make and break of an organization.

In our daily life, we meet people everyday, some strangers we pass by or happen to be standing next to in concession line. Some acquaintance we hardly know, friends, relatives. We trust them not to hurt us. It's in our nature. The level of trust is depending on the level of how well we know the person.

We have 2 choices in everything we do and consequences from any actions taken. Subconsciously we take revenge whenever we feel our trust is being violated.

For someone to gain a person's trust would take years. Trust is to be earned and it's not easy for someone to trust us completely. Years and a lot of hard work. But it only takes one mistake to lose that trust and to get the trust back would take a very long time and a lot more hard work. It's not easy to earn that trust and it's not easy to trust again once that trust is violated.

When we know we're in the wrong, just put aside our ego and admit to the mistake and make amends to sincerely apologize. It's not necessarily means that we have to say sorry a thousand times. No point in saying sorry if we don't mean it and still no change in our attitude and not showing how guilty we feel for violating that trust. We can forgive for the first mistake if the person say sorry and showing remorse and guilt and take actions to rectify the matter and making things much better and not repeating it again. 

But, repeated violation of trust will simply lead to the other party to take revenge. We can't complain of another person's actions because it reflected on our behavior towards that person. Every choices and actions we make will reflect on what happens to us. We can see the outcome of our attitudes towards people or decisions we make in our daily life. 

Bad things attract bad result and good thing gets good result. It's simply the matter of mind and attitude. It's really easy to be the bad guy but bad guys usually don't end up well now don't they.

It's up to us to make the choices.

-Sal's Out-

The Smell Sense

Ever had the sudden dejavu feelings when you encounter a certain smell? Have you ever noticed how a certain smell triggers all kind of memories that you thought you forgotten.

Yes. The sense of smell is a powerful thing. That's why when somebody fainted we let them smell the smelling salt to wake them up. When people with amnesia, sometimes when they smell a certain smell, it can bring their memories back.

I have certain smells that will bring me right back to certain parts of my life. Some long forgotten. Some that I chose not to remember.

The smell of Follow Me shampoo, Lux soap, would bring me back to my school years. 

Mark & Spencer's Peach products would take me back to my college years.

Olay moisteriser takes me to the gym. I still have it. It brings good memories.


Freshly mowed lawn would take me to a place where only my subconscious knows.

The smell of Body Shop's Raspberry and Dewberry shower gel would definitely take me back to December of 2010.

I've changed all the products from December. I don't buy them anymore. I replaced them with different ones. But sometimes I still smell them.

Today, it rains. After so long. I normally loved the smell of rain. It's refreshing. But not today.

The smell takes me back to the not so long ago December. A place I don't want to be. It triggers all kind of memories that I've been trying to erase. It sucks. Especially when the reasons for it to suck are not effected by it.

When you're cut this deep emotionally, you'll wonder if you ever going to recover. I wish with all my heart and soul to give what I feel and faced to the person who caused it all. Let them feel it someday. Then they'll think of what they did before. Let them smell something and feel how their heart being ripped away everytime. Let them feel the numbness. Let them have the pain. Let them have a taste of what their actions can taste like.

Then they'll know. How it feels every time they take a shower. How the heart beats faster until it hurts when they wash their face. How their head spin when they brush their teeth. They might change the products but they'll have to smell them again when they least expect it.

Some people might say I am over sensitive, but being over sensitive saves me alot of times. It keeps me sane. Maybe I am over analyzing things but it beats being ignorance and having smacked in the face all the time. Precautions are better than cure, that's what I hold on to.


Not all smell put frowns on my face. Some do make me smile. It's just that lately my mind been playing with my emotions. And the fact that I miss the salty sea smell. It's been awhile.

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The One That Got Away

Have you ever had someone in your life, that special someone that makes you wonder "what if"? The one the text book sayings called "the one that got away"?


Well, I had. For a brief moment, I had that special someone. The one that makes me wonder to no end. Especially now, when I'm feeling melancholic and a tiny bit melodramatic.


Whenever I'm feeling down and unhappy, I went back to the times when everything was simple. And wonder.


What if things didn't go as it did? What if everything was not as it was? What if things were not happened the way it did? What if... what if... the questions go on and on but it didn't change the fact that : it did happen that way. Sometimes it's better not to dwell too much. It can make you go crazy thinking and asking what-ifs.


But I couldn't help myself. At times I did wonder. I did ask why. I did ask what-ifs.


If things were not as they are now, what would happen? Would we be together? Would we be happy? It might or it might not. There's no way to find out. It's impossible to find out even if I want to. For my one that got away is in a better place. The what ifs only happen in my dreams. I've accepted that. 


But still....

Face-Off

Someone asked me an interesting question not so long ago. How could I go to the place where I know would bring me nothing but heartache.

My answer is simple : If I were to think about the bad things then I wouldn't go out anywhere.

There are places I know for a fact that if I entertain the negative thoughts, I'd be lost with rage. Now that I already faced a lot of things head-on, nothing can hurt me. Nothing like facing fear right smack in the face to conquer the feelings.

I always had nightmares of me drowning. To conquer the fear, I took swimming class.

I have stage-fright. Whenever I have to stand and speak in front of a roomful of people, I froze. To conquer the fear, I signed up for karaoke contest and end up won the 3rd prize.

I was terribly shy. Ever since I was young, asking directions or even placing an order at a restaurant was an ordeal. I was afraid people would laugh at me. What line of job I ended up working as : customer service.

I'm always self-conscious about my writings. I end up writing this blog.

After considering the "achievements" I'd had throughout my life, what's a few places with bad memories? I went to the biggest taboo of all the places. I didn't die from the experience. In fact, I had a great time. So "boo-hoo" the joke is on you.

I believe if you set up your mind to do something about facing your fear, nothing is impossible. All you have to do is getting at it heads-on. There might be some bumps and bruises, but you won't die from it. 

The biggest enemy one might have is oneself. The biggest demon to fight is within oneself. The hardest enemies to fight are always the ones we keep inside.

RAVEN

I've always have a thing for raven. It's not a beautiful bird, but its natures were what fascinated me the most.

In books I read, there were some with ravens in them. When the author wanted to describe a girl's hair, he or she would say "raven black". When it's a thriller and the plots thickened, the author would insert raven in some of them. What stuck in my head was this book I read by Christopher Pike. It's about a dead girl finding out how she died and it turned out the killer was actually the girl that was switched at birth with the dead girl and guess what's the killer's name? Yes, it's Raven.

Raven, or in Latin it's called Corvus, is often associated with bad omens. In different mythology, ravens played different roles. Some good, some bad.

What I want to talk about is the Common Raven or Corvus Corax. It's the biggest of its species and the most intelligent. I won't bore you with all the scientific details but here's what I found interesting about this particular bird.

The Common Raven (Corvus corax), also known as the Northern Raven, is a large, all-black passerine bird. Some remarkable feats of problem-solving have been observed in the species, leading to the belief that it is highly intelligent. Over the centuries, it has been the subject of mythology, folklore, art, and literature. In many indigenous cultures, including those of Scandinavia, ancient Ireland and Wales, Bhutan, the northwest coast of North America, and Siberia and northeast Asia, the Common Raven has been revered as a spiritual figure or god.

Common Ravens usually travel in mated pairs, although young birds may form flocks. Relationships between Common Ravens are often quarrelsome, yet they demonstrate considerable devotion to their families.

The brains of Common Ravens count among the largest of any bird species. For a bird, they display ability in problem solving, as well as other cognitive processes such as imitation and insight.

One experiment designed to evaluate insight and problem-solving ability involved a piece of meat attached to a string hanging from a perch. To reach the food, the bird needed to stand on the perch, pull the string up a little at a time, and step on the loops to gradually shorten the string. Four of five Common Ravens eventually succeeded, and "the transition from no success (ignoring the food or merely yanking at the string) to constant reliable access (pulling up the meat) occurred with no demonstrable trial-and-error learning" This supports the hypothesis that Common Ravens are 'inventors'; that is, they have the ability to solve problems presented to them. Many of the Common Raven's problem-solving skills were formerly thought to be instinctive, but it is becoming clear that Common Ravens are actually quite intelligent.

Common Ravens have been observed to manipulate others into doing work for them, such as by calling wolves and coyotes to the site of dead animals. The canines open the carcass, making it more accessible to the birds. 

Across its range in the northern hemisphere, and throughout human history, the Common Raven has been a powerful symbol and a popular subject of mythology and folklore.

In many post-conversion Western traditions, ravens have long been considered to be birds of ill omen, in part because of the negative symbolism of their all-black plumage and eating of carrion. n Sweden, ravens are known as the ghosts of murdered people, and in Germany as the souls of the damned. In Danish folklore, valravne that ate a king's heart gained human knowledge, could perform great malicious acts, could lead people astray, had superhuman powers, and were "terrible animals".

As in traditional mythology and folklore, the Common Raven features frequently in more modern writings such as the works of William Shakespeare, and, perhaps most famously, in the poem "The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe. Ravens have appeared in the works of Charles Dickens, J. R. R. Tolkien, Stephen King, and Joan Aiken among others.

It continues to be used as a symbol in areas where it once had mythological status: as the National Bird of Bhutan, Official Bird of the Yukon territory, and on the Coat of Arms of the Isle of Man (once a Viking colony).

Many indigenous peoples of the Pacific Northwest Coast of North America and northeast Asia revered it as a god. In Tlingit and Haida cultures, Raven was both a Trickster and Creator god. Related beliefs are widespread among the peoples of Siberia and northeast Asia. The Kamchatka peninsula, for example, was supposed to have been created by the raven god Kutkh.  There are several references to Common Ravens in the Old Testament of the Bible and it is an aspect of Mahakala in Bhutanese mythology.

The Norsemen believed that ravens Hugin and Munin sat on the god Odin's shoulders and saw and heard all, and a Raven banner standard was carried by such Viking figures as the Norse Jarls of Orkney, King Canute the Great of England, Norway and Denmark, and Harald Hardrada. In the British Isles, ravens also were symbolic to the Celts. In Irish mythology, the goddess Morrígan alighted on the hero Cú Chulainn's shoulder in the form of a raven after his death. In Welsh mythology they were associated with the Welsh god Bran the Blessed, whose name translates to "raven." According to the Mabinogion, Bran's head was buried in the White Hill of London as a talisman against invasion.

There are many stories written about raven from long ago and from different mythology, backgrounds and religious point of views. 

Norse mythology

To the Germanic peoples, Odin was often associated with ravens. Examples include depictions of figures often identified as Odin appear flanked with two birds on a 6th century bracteate and on a 7th century helmet plate from Vendel, Sweden. In later Norse mythology, Odin is described as having two ravens Huginn and Muninn serving as his eyes and ears - Huginn being referred to as thought and Muninn as memory. Every day the ravens fly out from Hliðskjálf and bring Odin news from Midgard.

Celtic mythology

In Irish mythology ravens are associated with warfare and the battleground in the figures of Badb and Morrígan. Welsh mythology features Bran the Blessed, whose name means "raven" or "crow". He is depicted as giant and the King of the Britons in tale known as the Second Branch of the Mabinogi. Several other characters in Welsh mythology share his name, and ravens figure prominently in the 12th or 13th century text The Dream of Rhonabwy, as the army of King Arthur's knight Owain.

There is a story that England will fall if ever the ravens abandon the Tower of London. Bran the Blessed is associated with the Tower of London in the Welsh Triads, which might be the origin of the story.

Islam, Christianity and Judaism

In the Talmud, the raven is described as having been only one of three beings on Noah's Ark that copulated during the flood and so was punished. The Rabbis believed that the Raven was forced to ejaculate its seed into the female raven's mouth as a means of reproduction. In I Kings 17:4-6, the prophet Elijah hides in the wilderness, where he is fed by ravens.

The Raven is also mentioned in The Quran but only once, describing the story of Cain and Abel, the sons of Adam. The Raven here teaches men how to bury dead bodies. 

And yes, I got all these from Wikipedia :)

In conclusion, raven is depicted as intelligent, manipulative, skillful at problem solving and confusing as hell to different people. It depends on how you look at it : the good or the bad, for it represents both.

And now I hope this info answered those who ask why I'm so obsessed with this corvus corax and named my collections RAVEN.

Trips and their meanings

Just came back from my trip... or trips as it turned out.


Going to China was the best decision I ever made. Seeing the people there made me realize how fortunate I am living the way I'm living. The best part was that I got undivided attention from my husband the whole time we were there. Call me selfish but I thrive on attention. I got back the feeling I lost not so long ago. We both were happy.


Coming back from this trip, I feel a little different. I'm feeling like when I was young, afraid to be too happy for fear of being disappointed. Afraid to love fully. Scared of being in love. Someone used to say that my heart is made of stone and I believe they're right.


Someone else asked me some good questions the other day. Am I really happy with what I have now. Am I staying because of love or just comfort? I can't answer. I can't even think about it.


Yesterday I opened up to a friend. We both cried ourselves silly thinking about the tests God throws at us. I'm at a crossroad again. Confused which path to take. The options are clear. Left, right and straight. There's no turning back. Am I strong enough to go straight?


Anyways, what's done is done. The past will remain in the past. The thing left to do right now is to go on. I will try my best not to reflect too much. Learn from mistakes and change for the better. The only question left for me to answer : how much am I willing to let go?

Train - Marry Me

Robbie Williams - Misunderstood

Robbie Williams - You Know Me

Clean Slate

Last nite, me and my husband had a long talk. About what happened and all the shit we all been through. It was funny. The thing is, my husband and I had always been friends in all aspects where we can talk about everything, good or bad, happy or sad.


He said he made a mistake. Big mistake. Getting involved with a psychopath in the first place. Never met a crazier person. He said he's lucky to wake up at this early stage before he's ruined by this psycho. And he swore not to repeat. Once is enough. He's much much happier now. Enough sleep, no more running around, no headache, no lies, and most importantly, money intact in his wallet. He regretted the times he spent away, couldn't remember lots of things, couldn't focus on his jobs, watching himself going downward fast. Now that he got rid of the garbage in his life, he feels lighter and can think clearer. The things he recalls made him flinch. He didn't know whatta hell he was doing or thinking. Putting me through all that shit was the lowest point, having me clean up all the mess.... and lots of other things he said that made me feel happy that he said those things about other person, not me.


Those were his words. I'm glad he said it. I sure as hell don't want anybody to say that about me. To have another person have that kind of thinking, let alone say it out loud, is so degrading. Maybe to someone with no self-respect it doesn't matter but me, if someone said those things about me, I'd be too ashamed to look myself in the mirror.


Well, since it's not about me, what do I care?


Anyway, the trip is on. WE'RE GOING TO GUANGZHOU, CHINA!!! I'm going back to the land where I spent so much time in my school years studying. This ought to be interesting. We're taking the first step for my business. I'm so looking forward for this trip. This marks the new beginning. A new slate. Throw away the garbage and start fresh.


The best thing about this trip is, the preparations to keep me busy. Getting our lives back on track is the most gratifying thing. Going to bed exhausted every night is satisfying. Having rid of the garbage... priceless.


Somebody said to me something the other day about trust. I'm still having trust issues. They gave me sound advise and share their experience and knowledge on the matter and I am ever so thankful for having friends like them. I'm taking what they said to heart hoping someday this nightmare would be over. I believe in karma. You always get what you give. There's always rainbow after the storm.

Just A Fairy Tale of Princess Wannabe

This is a story of a pauper who dreams to be a princess.


Not so long ago, in a land not so far away, there was a pauper whose dream was to get out of her miserable poor life. She wasn't extraordinarily pretty but what she lacked, she made up by using her other means to lure men into her trap. The trapped men would do whatever she told them to do and unknowingly willing to give her whatever she wanted. She wanted an easy life, the easy way by having someone supporting her every needs.


The pauper, let us call her Wannabe, had an illness that required lots of money, which her family couldn't really afford. So Wannabe resorted to look for rich men, no matter the status or age, to support her medical condition and lifestyle. 


One day, she met this guy, who happened to be a king, thus the fairy tale started. Wannabe saw the potential of happily ever after in her little fairy tale. And so did the mother.


The king, we just call him King, lived in a little kingdom with his queen and little prince and princess. King was not really rich but they lived comfortably and happily together. 


Wannabe, knowing that King already had a family, didn't care. She saw how easy her life would be if she could just get King to herself. She used whatever she had and whatever ways she knew how, to trap King into submitting. 


During the course of their courtship, Wannabe was lavished with gifts, eating fine food, going to places she never went to. Wannabe started to lay out her so-called best laid plan. She wanted more. She made King fell head over heels in love with her, succumb to her every whims, but Wannabe knew that as long as Queen was still in the picture, she couldn't get control of the kingdom. 


She played out every tricks. The victim, the whiny, the illness and so on. And the magic. The magic really kinked the deal. What Wannabe didn't know, or expect, was there was no way Queen would let her take over just that easily. Using magic wouldn't get a person wholly. It would screw up one way or another for magic can only give the shadow of a person. The person could be woken up.


When Wannabe saw that her magic didn't really get her what she wanted as fast as she wanted, and her magic didn't do as she wanted and that was to get Queen out of the way, she resorted to become King's concubine. That was the lowest any woman can go. Pathetic, really.


But what Wannabe didn't expect was how strong King's love for Queen. It was that love that saved him. It was that love that woke him up and see Wannabe as she really was. Nothing but a family wrecker and a gold-digger. 


King wanted to get Wannabe out of his life. He asked Queen for forgiveness and asked for help. Queen helped him with every ways she knew how, with the help of other friends of theirs. King was happy and grateful to be out of Wannabe's clutch and now couldn't wait to get her totally out of his life. Slowly King and Queen did it, together, as the team they had always been.


Wannabe was not giving up. She was still trying to hold on to the last gift King gave her. She knew if she lost that gift, she would be more of a laughingstock than she already was. She was not giving up the luxury that she just got the taste of. She couldn't afford the luxury, but she wanted it. So badly that she tried using more magic. 


She should realize by now that no amount of magic can break the power of pure love. She should realize that the magic she use was finally taken its toll on her. She should realize it wouldn't get her what she wanted without eating her back. She should realize that she was exhausting herself, making her miserable where else King and Queen was living happily as they were. She should realize that she should just get out of their lives quietly if she didn't want any trouble for herself. She should realize that Queen was holding the ultimate card to destroy her life. A picture spoke a thousand words, just imagine what 5 pictures would do?


Somebody should slap Wannabe out of her stupidity. Get on with the program, Wannabe. Get your own life. Stop disturbing others. If she doesn't stop, she will get the picture soon enough. 


Better go now before you're made to go. Go quietly and your life will be intact. Stop fighting the inevitable, you can never win. Go now before it gets worse for you. ....just saying. You can't get the fairytale you want. It's called a fairytale for a reason. Stop being an idiot and face up to reality. There's no such thing as an easy life. The hardships are what made a character. Right now you have none.

W - Can Stand for Many Things

I know you're reading this. This is for you.


Give up. Stop playing games. There's no such thing as shortcuts. I know you don't care about the consequences as long as you get what you think you want. You're that shallow of a person. Resorting to this kind of tricks just shows how low you are. Grow up. Things earned this way won't last and the sooner you learn, the better. The games you're playing will only bite you in the ass. 


We were taught from young the way to point to people the polite way. Well, there's a reason for that, and I'll tell you why coz I don't think anybody ever told you the reason. Or maybe they did and you're too dumb to understand.


The thumb pointing out, is the thing you strike out. The four fingers pointing back, is the things that'll come to haunt you. There, I said it in the simplest way even you can understand. 


You think I'll just sit around watching you play your little games? Well, think again, darling. The more you play, the further your subject will go from you. I'll make sure of that. Your dirty tricks are known so all the whining and reverse psych won't work anymore. You'll end up with so much pent up fury that you'll burst. And I will be there with a tub of popcorn to see it happen. Heck, I already booked the front seat.


I said it once and I'll say it again. Don't start it with me. You don't want to play this game with me. How much lower can you put yourself? You're already at the lowest point with no more self respect. This is what lowlifes resort to. Damn. If I were you, I'll dig a hole now and bury myself and save the trouble for everyone else. 


Go. Find someone else to bother. We're done with you. You're nothing now. Don't even bother pulling the sympathy card. You're that irritating. Pathetic even. Look at yourself in the mirror someday, really look, and you'll see the little witch you really are. The face we all see. The real little varmint. I'd really love to clobber you one day.


It's done. There's no more you can do that can change the fact that you're hated. People here can't stand you anymore. You're just too stupid to admit. Stop being in denial. The sooner you accept the fact, the easier this will be. Choose, darling, the easy way out or the hard way. Either way, I'll lead you to it. Your call.


Told you once. You don't want to have a taste of my wrath. This is nothing compare to what I'm really capable of. Try, and you'll see. Take it as a threat if you want. I don't care. Do it one more time and you'll get the 4 strikes from me, delivered personally. Go play and bother someone else. Bother me again and I'll make sure I have that tombstone carved with your name on it. 


Want to know how serious I am? Then go ahead and try.

Title : Undecided

It's been a few days since I last recorded anything. Too much on my mind right now. Even my notes were blank.


I went to a workshop that day. Pumped up with new motivations. I have a clearer view on what I want to do next. 


Maybe I was pumped with new ideas, or maybe it was just all the coffee I ingested, or maybe I was just excited about the package delivered. Whatever the reason, I had a great time. Made new friends, new ideas, new experiences. 


Whatever I was feeling that day, it was all good. Even when the dark clouds threatening to come and spoil it, I still had a good time. I felt like I could handle anything. Maybe I could.


It was kinda weird. Whatever it was that happened, it made the next day seemed weirder. I had this funny feeling, like I'm supposed to be doing something but not caring anymore. Just taking in whatever comes my way a little at a time. Once I decided to take matters in my own hand, things unravel by itself.


I realized when I stopped caring, things happen on its own. The things that's been sent my way, I can handle them. All I need is a little push. Sometimes I do feel like I'm failing some sort of tests... but, I don't care anymore. 

I now have new purpose. I'm given the opportunity to move forward. It's up to me to take it. I'm going to take it. I'm not going to sit around and wait for something to happen anymore. I'll just take whatever comes my way and deal with the consequences later. I feel bad sometimes, for being selfish, but I have to. Otherwise I'll be the same as before.

New things learned, new friends made, new experiences gained. Not all bad, but not all good either. Life is about learning. Everything has a lesson to be learned. Things happen for a reason. It's either you're conscious enough to notice or not.

I know some things don't last, but I'll take whatever that's happening now. Not thinking too much takes me to a better place. I'm having a wonderful time, looking at stupid people doing stupid things, including me. I was mad at first, but now, it seems funny. 

Someone said some things to me recently that made me think. They made me realized a few things I overlooked. I've been too focus on things I shouldn't that I forgot that there are things I should do. 


No matter. It's still not too late. But why do I feel like I'm on some kind of dateline?

Miley Cyrus Goodbye

Bon Jovi - Letting you go

SECRETS

Yes. We all have 'em. Big, small, earth shattering or just ...nothing.


I used to hate secrets. Hate having them, hate being told one. Now not anymore. Maybe because I have my own? I don't know. Right now, I don't really care what people think. I have my reasons for keeping things locked inside. It doesn't really matter why. Mostly, I have them to protect myself.


Don't you just hate it being in the same room with someone who has tons of them. And you quietly trying to second guess everything? It's tiring. But then again, it's much more tiring for the person who's keeping them. 


Having secrets means you have to lie to protect 'em from being known. Having secrets is fun. Up to a point. Telling lies, however, is not. Not to the person who's being lied to. If it doesn't hurt anyone, then fine. But most importantly, if you want to have secrets, make sure you don't burn or get burned too much.


Having secrets is like playing with matches. How many strokes, how big is the flame you planning to light. No matter how big or small your intended fire you want to have, you'll feel the flame, you'll still get burned. Then, at some point, when you can't handle the flame on the match, you'll start looking for things to burn. You'll look for wood. Then somebody comes along and pour some gas on it and it would be out of control. Then the next thing you know, you'll be on fire.


Secrets, lies, flames and torches. They're all connected.

P!nk - I Don't Believe You

James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover [OFFICIAL VIDEO]

James Blunt - 'So Far Gone' [OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO]

Fighters Club... Where Enemies Can Be Good Friends

It's been more than a year, longer I think, since I last played FC. I made really good friends on the apps. That was the only apps I played on FB at that time coz it took all my days and nights - fighting to loot some fake money and maintaining BOSS. LOL. Maintaining 15 SC is all that mattered. If you're strong enough, you'll get to F100. *sigh*. Those were the days. 

I miss the nights I stayed online, anxiously waiting for the end time for the Jumpers to jump in and Snipers sniping away. Win or lose, didn't really matter. What mattered was seeing your friends on your side. 

Come weekend, support fights are welcomed to block any unnecessary attacks. 

Tho there were some people who took this game seriously. Mean words were said. Revenge for lost fights. Gangs honor and loyalty. Funny as hell. Before all the loadings and kids playing the game, it was fun. Just friendly fights between friends, funny words as fightlines. I miss those days. Friends I made during that time still remain in my list. 

Whatever it is, stressful as it is trying to support all fights on the pages, real life is more tiring. I don't have an end time. I don't have SC to maintain. I don't have jumpers and snipers to call for help. And I don't get a single cent even if I win.

*sigh*... I really miss FC....

In, Out and All About

In the chain of events of the happenings for the past week, I learned alot. I learned what I've been missing, I learned about people, I learned about me.


It took me awhile to admit, but I've been missing alot of things.


I miss the excitement, I miss the anticipation, I miss the adrenaline rush. I miss the feelings. I miss being treated right. 


All I've been doing is trying to do the right thing. Now that I learn to let go, it feels good. The not caring is the best way right now, for me. It may not be the right way, but who cares? 


I've been in a box for so long. Inside, looking out. Now that I put myself out of the box, the view is great. Looking back into the box, I wonder how the hell could I have been contented inside. I forgot what it was like before I got into the box. The box may seems big and comfortable, but it is unstable. 


But being outside once again, I need to face the other stuff that associate with it. Some ugly, some beautiful. Unlike before, I'm more prepared this time. Now all I need is for the brick road to appear. It may not come as I remembered, but a road is still a road. Bumps are still bumps. Somehow they don't seem so scary anymore.


In the past week, I learned that you cannot trust somebody fully. No matter how sweet the words sound, they're just that : words. They even have a song for it.


Doesn't matter. What matters right now is I'm fine with myself. I'm content with what I'm doing. I may be tired but I know by the end of the day, I can go to bed smiling and with better attitude to face whatever may come. Everyday is a new day. New things to learn, new things to face, new stuff to consider. New possibility to conquer.

A Fine Frenzy - Almost Lover Official Video

Daughtry - September

Eminem - Love The Way You Lie ft. Rihanna

YouTube + Twitter + Facebook = YouTwitFace lmao

Hah! I wish there's an apps with that name. We can just type a name in the search box and we can see the Twitfaces we know. I can definitely name a few.


I am in a pissing mood. Waiting for some twitfaces to make my day, or night. So far none of the responds I get are entertaining. I am still pissed. I still feel like clubbing things. The only problem is I don't own a club.


I need to get out. But where to go? I've laid out the plans. Now waiting to be executed. But the waiting part is no fun. I need the adrenaline rush. What I'm doing now slows my heartbeat and I don't like it. No fun. I need the action. I need the rush. Games no longer hold their charm. I need real-life action. I'm tired of waiting around. I need action. Now.


But seriously. Being in pissed mood really no fun. I'm going to go out and get the antidote. And I know just where to get it :).

Black Vs White

Black is sleek and fast. White is slow and steady. Black can't last. White is eternity.

Black is hell. White is heaven. Black is gloom and doom. White is merry and cheer. 

That's why I love snow. Even at the darkest hour, the snow gleams and put the gloom out.

There's a reason why nights seems more enticing. It lures the worst out of the best of men. Coz at nights, people can't see clearly. They only see what they want to see, get what they want to get. Do what they want to do. 

But there's a limit to nights. Come dawn and day break, everything comes to light. No matter how many lights trying to chase away the shadows, they are still there. Shadows lurking on every corner. Darkness looms. Waiting for the unexpected to embrace.

Neon lights hide the truth. The uglies become the beauties, people seems masked by shadows. Those who are not strong enough will be swallowed by the magic of darkness.

Where else, during the day, once the sun starts climbing out of the horizon, the shadows retreat. Come high noon, the shadows are gone underneath the feet. The uglies remain ugly. People see things as they are. 

Back to black and white. It's clear cut. Black is bleak. White shines. Even though some nights are longer than days, in the end, the sun still covers the moon.

I choose the sun, the day and the white. Others can stay gloomy all their lives in the dark. I'm happy. Are you?